Denials of reality and suppression of family secrets never turns out well. Everything kept in the dark closet or swept under the carpet ultimately yearns to burst forth into the light and breathe freely! Such is the case with Doing Time On Maple Drive where it soon becomes apparent that despite initial cheery appearances, all is not well with the Carter family despite their privilege, connections and attractive upper middle class lifestyle. Doing Time is one of the superior tv dramas – and one of the few from this era to handle three major issues within one household. From my perspective, the umbrella issue which contributes to the other three problems, first off, is that three adult children are still living at home with domineering parents when maybe they should be trying to make it on their own, but I digress!
To start with, we have Tim Carter (played remarkably well by Jim Carey in an early dramatic role) who flunked out of college and battles alcoholism while being tenuously employed at the family restaurant. Then there is Karen (Jayne Brook) who also still lives at her parents home with her husband Tom (David Byron). The patriarch of the Carter family is Phil (James Sikking) and his devoted wife Lisa (Bibi Besch). The parents seem to dislike Karen’s husband because they feel that he is holding her back from becoming an accomplished novelist and isn’t a mature influence on her. Finally, we have Matt, the youngest son who the Carter’s are pinning all of their hopes and dreams on – as his older siblings have so far proved to be such “disappointments.” Of course, Matt has a secret as he won’t be able to remain in the closet, concealing his homosexuality forever. His fiancĂ©e Allison (Lori Laughlin) has uncovered his secret but promises not to reveal it to anyone else. Nonetheless, this broken engagement causes more issues in the Carter household fueling bewilderment, suspicion, and resentment about what really happened between Matt and Allison.
After watching this story again recently, I realized how well it tied in with a Medium Daily Digest article and I’d read a couple of weeks ago by Patricia Williams titled When You Evolve, You Realize How Dysfunctional Everything Is. In this compelling piece Williams discusses her life journey and states: “It’s funny how life unfolds, revealing layers we never knew existed.” She discusses how there is an overall conventional narrative or script that everyone is supposed to follow – the “right” path which is supposed to provide fulfillment, stability, progress, an ideal way to live. However, time tells eventually, and as Williams says: “I’m incredibly grateful for all the changes I’ve experienced. However, something I’m still learning is how to navigate the world once we realize how dysfunctional everything is.” This is precisely what the Carter children need to learn in Doing Time At Maple Drive. The title alone suggesting that it’s now high time for them to sign out of the household and start creating their own realities and life paths.
It’s a fearsome thing to stand up for ourselves and to realize that not every single thing our parents and “society” inculcates into us is a good thing to mindlessly repeat throughout our adult lives – generation after generation! Additionally, suppressed family secrets and resentments need to be aired out (with accompanying resentments resolved) for any of us to find some peace and success on our travels through this life. Of course, overbearing parents are a major issue – but not the only issue afflicting family cohesion and happiness in Doing Time On Maple Drive. For the most part, they want what they believe is best for their children emotionally, financially, family planning, etc. but they don’t stop to actually consider what might be in their best interests. This correlates well to what to what Williams discusses in her article When You Evolve… where she stresses the importance of setting healthy boundaries. These boundaries should include allowing everyone to speak their piece, express themselves honestly and to tell their truths without being immediately dismissed and shut down.
Family members who try to devalue others in this manner and get angry when boundaries are set only create more problems. Becoming distraught when other family members set healthy boundaries is more about the aggressor in the family lacking the ability to be honest with themselves as Williams states it. Of course, setting boundaries and being honest about who we really are – that interior person – to the rest of the family (especially our parents) is easier said than done. So many of us have bowed to societal pressures as well as those pressures within the family structure – putting on the expected, manufactured persona for the outside world, much like the situations played out in Doing Time On Maple Drive. However, humans have always been multi-faceted regardless of who has liked it or not. Being pigeonholed into a narrow range of “accepted” personality types and expected modes of living has never been entirely successful anywhere, all the time.
Some of us finally realize the need to stop being a “people pleaser” all the time, being everything to everyone, worrying about everyone else’s expectations. Without causing too many spoilers, at least one of the grown children from Doing Time On Maple Drive eventually gathers up the courage to put an end to their part in the family dysfunction, leave the nest and start doing it on their own! This is another very important point that Williams brings to the fore in her When You Evolve piece. She stresses that choosing a healthier life path can be daunting and that others around you – both family and friends may be very critical of your better choices – – because they cannot / will not see beyond their own failures and the dysfunctional traps they’re still enmeshed in. Some may realize the need to make changes to improve their life situation, but many never will. Those of us that have gotten out of, or are steadily working to get out of our muddy ruts are not responsible for the discomfort and resentment others feel towards us, and we cannot be held liable for their continuous poor life choices. Period.
On a final note, something else that sticks out in my mind from watching Doing Time On Maple Drive and anyone else who has already watched (or will watch the movie) cannot help but think: why would anyone want to bring children into this world? In fact, thirty-two years on since this movie first premiered, much of the world is experiencing plummeting birth rates that are now below replacement levels. Of course, there are many complicated factors which contribute to this. However, I don’t doubt for a moment that for many prospective parents of Generation Z…fear of becoming their own parents and grandparents – repeating all of those mistakes and dysfunction over and over again on the next generation is still one the main causes for this.
